I’ve realised after leaving university and moving cities, away from the people that I have grown up with, that making new friendships as an adult is a whole other ball game.
It isn’t the same as when you were a kid. You would just sit down beside someone, starting having a chat, and that was it – Best Friends Forever. Nowadays I’m meeting people on a regular basis, but it seems as an adult taking that relationship to the next level – from acquaintance to friend – doesn’t seem to happen as organically as when I was younger.
As twenty-somethings we are all so busy, are all so focused on OURSELVES, that it seems as an outsider or an acquaintance there are a lot of barriers to really getting to know someone new on a deeper level. We so often resort to surface level conversations because we don’t have time time, or the interest, to really invest. It is just easier to stay in our comfort zone and interact with people we already feel at ease with (difficult when you move cities…).
When I first moved to Wellington I moved into a flat with 6 other like-minded people, all strangers, in the hope that it would be a great way to meet people and immerse myself in the city. And it was for a start – they were friendly, invited me out, welcomed me into their lives. But after a few months I realised I would always be a ‘flatmate’ and not a ‘friend’. They had all known each other for years (high school friends), were from the city and had a great crew of people around Wellington that they hung out with. It was a hard nut to crack. They didn’t need any new friends (I specifically remember hearing one of them talking to another exclaiming this precise statement) so the relationships never progressed. I moved out after a couple of months and haven’t seen or heard from any of them since.
I don’t think that you should have to force friendships, so I never really pushed it with them. If they weren’t too phased, there didn’t really seem like any point in me trying. Like dating guys, if it feels right a friendship should just progress naturally. But I suppose with dating guys, if you are interested in someone, you actively make an effort to get to know them on a deeper level and explore that connection by spending formal time with them. You don’t really do that with friends… Sure you hang out with them of course, but you don’t ever really declare that you are trying to get to know them. It just kinda… happens.
So, do I need to ‘friend date’? Is that even a thing? And how do you approach it?
‘Hey person I kinda know! Do you want to potentially be my friend? Want to have a drink and see if we get along?!’
… #desperate. Ha
So this is my conundrum. Am I the only one that finds this a challenge? Any advice out there, internet world? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS I NEED ANSWERS TO, PEOPLE! 😉